|Posted by Estephan on September 30, 2013 at 8:15 PM|
I've read a lot about anger and opinions here and I wanted to share my experience of it.
My grandmother asked me how I look at people that are angry, abusive and who attacks others. I had to bring up a memory of when I was very angry and I thought about that feeling and why I felt it and of course it had to be the worst scenario. So I thought about my ex step dad and how angry I was at him a time ago for beating up my mother when she was pregnant with my brother and not giving a damn about my other brother watching him doing these abusive things. I came to the conclusion that it had to do with something about your loved ones or yourself becoming attacked by a certain someone who also attacks your perspective/opinion on what is "good" and what is not. This anger becomes bigger because you do not understand where these actions come from or why it is happening or for what reason it did happen and it left me in a BIG cloud of confusion, which to me is some sorts of a chain reaction of the "anger" that you are feeling inside. This thing or happening that you perceive as "bad" bubbles up inside of you like burning hot fire when you are reminded of this happening that you still don't understand and with time when this anger does not become confronted so that you can understand the "bad" perspective, it becomes bigger and bigger until there is just pure hate inside of you. This process does something in you so that every person around you that reminds you of the source of this anger, you start to hate that person as much as you did with the source because it is a perspective you just can't understand and something you see as "bad". One important thing that I noticed also is that this anger that you have grown inside of you has made you a puppet of some sort and the anger makes you act out VERY EASILY on everything that anger wants you to act out on...
As you can see, this is a very bad and toxic chain reaction by the emotion anger and you affect yourself in many ways but most important you affect everyone around you, you maybe even make them around you, join your hate and anger. This toxic emotion is like a virus. There is and I am sure that it is, MORE terrible things in the anger then what I have come up with and I imagined this anger that I had but I imagined it 20 times stronger and then I understood where this man (my ex step dad) where he came from and I thought to myself... “Oh god, I feel bad for him”. I can just imagine how his life was from the beginning. I forgave him in myself and I accepted what has happened and so I've learned also that this virus inside of me, anger, disappeared when I did this. Now I told my grandmother... Well… I think these angry people deserves a second chance and that you should show them equal love as you show everyone else or even more because they really, really need it. Of course, she did not understand my point of view and I understand that. Perspectives are very dangerous in some way so I have a kind of respect of my perspective and others perspective of things and I don’t bother forcing my perspective on others, this I think is very important in life because opinions come from that someone’s perspective and the chain reaction of anger that I talked about just now, starts when that perspective (opinion) gets attacked by someone and this is exactly what happened to me.
I had one incident where I was on a party and a fight broke out where some of my friends fought with another crew that was also my friends. I was standing there with several others and tried to stop the fight. And there was someone there who jabbed me on my face several times and well I didn't mind it because I was focused on stopping it thinking that he maybe was confused. After a while I left the party with some friends and the crew that fought earlier saw me walking with my friends and they confronted us and said that they wanted to attack us too. One specific guy who earlier hit me several times in my face when I tried to stop the fight, he had this look on me, all this night. I never figured out why but as we were standing there he jumped at me and punched me in my face several times again, telling me to pinpoint my other friends’ location or he wasn’t going to stop. I kept standing there up-straight and let him hit me, why? Because I knew that the root of the problem was something in him that bothered him and that blew up his anger in him. How do I know that? Because I've been in the same situation with ANGER I had recently at this time learned to control that emotion but he hadn't. His friends that were with him tried to stop him and drag him away from me eventually because they saw that I didn't put up much of a fight and that it was useless. After he was calm, they went away and left us with a “sorry about this, he’s drunk”.
As time went on, I never hated this man or felt angry with him, I always said “Hi” to him when I saw him but of course he rejected my intentions. Now from some of my friends, I've learned that his father had died and that he was in a big depression in his life and that's why he drinks himself full of alcohol every weekend. This made me understand from my perspective that everything has a cause and that it's not because he is a bad person, it's because he can't control his emotions and thoughts and he is in a state in life where these toxic emotions runs through him every single day. His perspective of life was brutally attacked by the death of his father. He is a friend of mine today by the way, his anger towards me disappeared.
It's important to note that we usually want things in life to be in OUR way and if it doesn't go our way, we don't understand why it didn't go our way and we feel attacked and start to think endless so that we can feel good about ourselves or we just handle this confusion with anger or sadness. It's impossible in life to have things YOUR way, you will only have it your way temporary because present is evolution, every second that goes by is evolution, things change and you have to change your perceptions too so that YOU can join the evolution and gain MORE knowledge & experience in the end which is the main ingredient for your growth in life and which will also broaden your perspective.
We should always help, learn but most important love each other through our perspectives and some people will see this as the ultimate shot to their heart because they don't UNDERSTAND it and sees it as “bad” and we have to understand also that if that's the case then we will receive HIS perspective and his complaints which from OUR own perspective looks “bad” to us and the angry cycle continues…
Stop the cycle and you will feel much better and learn to agree to disagree when you need it, accept people for who they are and learn to be supportive instead of accusing! LOVE ourselves and others because we are the biggest book of learning.