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A queen from my past

Posted by 1stfiresun on July 20, 2013 at 9:35 PM

So I ran into this girl from the past that i had once dated in high school, back then things were simple between us I was attracted to her and I could tell she was really into me. She was dark skinned had a pretty smile, smart, aaaand was the preachers daughter.:roll: back then I really wasn’t a Christian I didn’t have a strong faith in anything until I went to college and had all these spiritual experiences and knowledge come into my life. at the time life seemed to just pull us apart we were both graduating and decided to put everything on hold and focus on ourselves, 2 yrs pass and we met up and she instantly gravitated towards me, my philosophy about life, and wanted to know everything about me but I was very secretive and didn’t like to really let anyone know what i was up to personally, but she really wanted to know what makes me so sure in life and over time she won me over. I finally told her about the lucid dreams obe’s and things ive been feeling in my heart to be true, but to my surprise she didn’t run away because she was really into me and she knew that whatever I was doing was most likely positive. But at some point her Christian faith became a problem.


At some point she wouldnt listen to what I had to say because the ‘’good book’’ said the opposite. Honestly most of the things I heard her say sounded absolutely sick. after awhile it started to dong on me that even though she had a good heart and a beautiful soul she was slave and was afraid of be convicted of thought crime by god(thinking that she was actually saving me from the fiery pits of hell)/(that im evil and everything that I experienced was demonic). after that I came to a cold realization that she had been brainwashed beyond repair/ saving. Not going to lie I fell head of hills for her, but after this break up and a few other blow outs ive had over religion with my own flesh and blood I felt this blanket of loneliness cover my world. I live in the south where in the African American community Christianity and any old lies passed around a camp fire are figured to be true. i mean Im a man and all and I don’t mind being by myself but I don’t like being alone…like really me the cool quarterback outta school that everyone was cool with is lonely? and deep down i sometimes get scared for ppl can anybody understand what im feeling fill free to comment.

Categories: LOVE AND LIFE #love #romance #marriage #dating #life #living

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6 Comments

Reply null83
9:31 PM on May 17, 2016 
I have expirienced that too but she will get things at her own time just work on being happy and if you have the opportunity just be with her as in a loving friendship way, altho coco washed behaviour is annoying I have been in her shoes, altho might be she isnt ready to hear that.

Be you, be beautiful and shine, in your own godly way friend and understand that people we love come and go, hopefuly you guys can meet again in other circumstances I know that for sure

Keep going, you are following your own divine will, ask for guidance, you are loved and supported
Reply 1stfiresun
8:19 PM on August 3, 2013 
I feel what your sayin man.
Reply Mike Lowry
11:12 AM on August 3, 2013 
Mine happen a few years ago n it was a bad awakening ... Things happened fast and i felt i wasnt in control of the situation..my friends deserted me ..i have no dating life..its hard for me to trust people..i just ffind the comfort in my home n family..sometimes i feel very alone but i remind myself that its going to get better to keep my spirits up..im just ready dlready im done with this perspective of life i need new
Reply KarenW
10:48 AM on July 24, 2013 
I will first say that ABB is right none of us is alone. You have been given an opportunity to learn a very personal lesson. This is a learning opportunity. When you can begin to step back and sort through the events you will be able to see that this was just a personal learning opportunity more designed for intimate/personal space/energy vs. group vibration.
No one has any control over another. No matter how much praying or bulling she did nor explaining from you. Each party in some respects wanted to sway the other to a point of view that the other could not conform to. With that said I do not think you had ill intent with your actions. Depending where your emotions were. When prayer is said with the intent of control, which is often the case with religion, that CAN be ill intent but I can not say where her heart was at the time.
NOW, given that you have had this experience you now know what you don't want vs. what you do want in a significant other. The universe does truly have a sense of humor. The fact that you were able to shake this one off and go with your internal understanding vs. buckling to pressure to please another is being very honest with yourself. This is a huge thing. Being true to oneself can be painful especially with matters of the heart. Let me offer an example. Let's say you did shun the greater knowing, got married, had a few kids and then 25 years later you suddenly realized that you could no longer lie to yourself and started to express knowing things again. This would now be sort of hypocritical to turn on a dime from her perspective. How much pain and anger would she then have because you were now bucking her controlled perspective which was the very thing that was given into? I would guess that she would have much more pain and anger on this than now. However, standing your ground now and allowing her to go may be just what she needs should she too begin to question what is at her core vs. her boxed perception. Your walking away may provide her with courage to break free in the future. If nothing else you have been true to yourself, many would have not had the courage to do so.
You know what you want vs. what you don't want in a mate. Redefine your request and move forward so the universe can be ready to provide a new opportunity in the future when you are healed and ready for the next.
Reply 1stfiresun
5:29 PM on July 22, 2013 
ok I feel what your saying and il cash it and see if I can join/find ppl who are more flexible/understanding, I really appreciate this comment. Namaste!
Reply AstralBooBaby
1:19 PM on July 22, 2013 
Trust me when I say this - you are definitely not alone... In the past 3 years, I have received hundreds of thousands of emails from people from all over the world, who have opened themselves up to share some of their deepest thoughts, concerns, fears and experiences with me... Over half of those people expressed some of the same things that you are sharing here... And yes, I can definitely relate to what you are expressing here, because I grew up in an environment dominated by religious expectations and pressures; trends or whatever was 'cool' and I resonated with none of it... I felt extremely lonely, detached and isolated... I didn't relate to most people and they definitely didn't or couldn't find me relatable, especially since I wasn't trying to 'conform' or pretend to be what other children and adults expected or thought that I should be... As for dating? There wasn't any dating for me at all and this is true even to this day... Its just not easy walking and talking about an unconventional path or having an expression that is not culturally or socially accepted or understood... However, please know that things are changing and there's no reason why the young lady that you once fell head over hills for, will not have her own 'awakening' and eventually learn to appreciate who you are without trying to 'save' or 'change' you... When we come across people who are not flexible to at least respect diversity, we are better off, letting that situation go and allow ourselves to connect with those who can accept us and respect us for who and what we are. Trust me, you may feel alone and it may be tough but you are doing something that the vast majority have yet to do and that is BE them, without shame, guilt or compromise. This latter is one of the greatest gifts and life lessons that any of us will ever learn. Thank you for sharing your story! KEEP YOUR VIBES UP!