Astralboobaby

Greetings earthlings.

Today, I will share something i experimented with today (after watching the movie: dynamic meditation by Ozen rajneesh - contemporary OSHO).

He taught me something new today, that if i had known it earlier, it would have saved me from a lot of misery and trouble around meditation.

One thing I have noticed during the time i have meditated (4 years not to be precise) is that AFTER the meditation session, my breathing becomes heavier and worse (I get less air in my lungs) than BEFORE the meditaiton. Obviously i did something wrong for all of these 4 years of meditation. What did i do wrong? That is what will be the topic of this thread:

So what did I do wrong?

I breathed mechanically...i forced the breathe to be in a certain way....thus taking myself away from my natural (subconsious) breathe.

When you meditate, one of the greatest barrier you will come to meditation is that you have not learned the ART of breathing.

I advice you to learn the ART Of breathing, before you start ANY meditaiton.

So if you want to be a meditator, and benefit from its luxuries, you must EXPERIMENT with finding your natural breathe; to find your unique breathing rhythm.

Every person is unique,and therefore also has a unique breathing rhythm.

Now,....what happens when we meditate is.....WE breathe consciously....and alter the natural breathe by our INVOLVMENT in the breath.

We MUST not breathe consicously, or mechanically....or not even counting our breathing times etc...ALL that is nonsense.

We must learn to tap in to our natural rhythm ...when breathing is most easy and effortless for us.......

Let me share a short story.

I was meditating one day. I didnt succeed with the meditation (i was bored during my meditation and didnt feel any bliss or breathe coming in to my chest...). SUDDENLY I heard a SUDDEN and UNEXPECTED BANG sound, and I became SOO SCARED and jumped up our of fear. I thought someone was coming in to my apartment and was going to ROB me or something. Now...

LET ME TELL YOU A SECRET: THat sound helped me get into my natural breathe in an instant. My breating was no longer inauthentic....but NOW ....My breathe became AUTHENTIC for the first time that day. The feeling of intense FEAR took me SOO deep into the present moment....and it was sooo blissful to breathe that moment.

Now what can we learn from my story? The lesson here is: I was sitting and consciously breathing..TRYING to find the breathe ..and i couldnt find my breathe.....I was not breathing AUTHENTICALLY because I was TRYING TO BREATHE RIGHT AND CORRECTLY. In other words: THE FEAR ROOTED ME IN THE PRESENCE that i was looking for for almost 40 minutes of meditation.

MEDITATION CAN BE OUR GREATEST HINDERING TO MEDITATION. THink about that...

THERE ARE NO RULES when it comes to how to breathe....YOU MUST FIND YOUR OWN NATURAL RHYTHM when you breathe. This is SOO SO SO SO IMPORTANT !!! Dont do the same mistake as I have made...

I suggest that you watch this 4 series on how to find your NATURAL breathe....and how to open your emotional channels in your body as well to release ALL emotional trauma and repressed emotions stored in your body...ENJOY:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ipt_YWx8dzw

Ladies and gentlemen.

Many people have questions about the side effects of excessive masturbation, and I am here to use my own life and my own experiences with masturbation, to speak about some of the negative side effects it has had on me.

First, I have an announcement to make.

I have been a heavy masturbator to porn videos for almost my whole life, and I am getting to a point in my life where I am seriously needing to stop it and perhaps regain balance in the activity of masturbation.

I have just started to come to a point in my life where i no longer feel the orgasm any more the way i used to... ive gotten so used to the orgasm that I no longer derive any real pleasure from it as i used to before....

A negative side effect of this is that I have lost the natural attraction to girls. When I see a girl on the streets, or when I talk to a girl, I no longer feel the natural attraction that I used to (because all my sexual energy has been wasted by all the masturbation...).

This does not feel good, because without sexual energy, you cannot feel passion for a girl anymore. And without passion, you cannot enjoy feminine energies anymore. You begin to feel that a part of you has died.

The second reason why I feel I should stop masturbation is:

To become more productive and focused in my life, and in my goals.

I feel that the addiction to porn is making me less productive and focused. When the desire to masturbate takes me over, it is very difficult to find peace and balance in what I am doing - i am always pulled towards my desires to that I can no longer focus 100% on the present moment. There is always a feeling of procrastination and lazyness that follows it...

In other words: the desire to masturbate all the time, is making it more difficult for me to find peace in the present moment, to stay focused in what I am doing for a longer period of time, and this all makes me less productive and slows down my feeling of getting forward in life.

A third reason why I have decided to stop masturbation is:

It gives me a feeling of reducing people to objects. This also makes it more difficult to stay in a love vibration, it closes down my heart...and makes me loose connection to my inner truth. It disconnects me from God, it disconnects me from my inner light in some way. Its hard to explain. But it feels like its making me less pure in some way.....I would like to look at another person and feel love when im looking in their eyes ...and not feel that I want them to BED.

A fourh reason why I have decided to stop or slow down the rate of masturbation is:

BLURRED VISION and FEELING OF DISSOCIATION. One thing I have noticed after masturbation is blurred vision and dissociation feelings. My vision literraly gets blurred in some strange way.

Accompanied with this feeling or blurred vision comes a feeling of dissociation. I feel like im here, but im not really here (if you know what I mean). I feel that I am doing something, but im not really in what im doing. My mind is always subconsciously somewhere else (i am disconnected from the presence in subconscious ways...). Whatever i do, im not there..wherever i am, i am not here....a part of me has left me (and i feel lost from life)

In other words: It takes me away from the present moment, and disconnects me from the presence. It dissociates me from the present moment .....Its a very strange feeling. And its mostly a negative feeling.

With this feeling of dissociation comes a feeling of apathy and no-feelingness.

I feel less able to enjoy and FEEL the small things in life (a flower, a bird singing, a piece of music).

Accompanied with this feelign of blurred vision and dissociation comes a feeling of disconnection from life (i no longer feel the music, hear the birds, feel the air touching my body).

BLURRED VISION + DISSOCIATION + LOSS OF PRESENCE + DESENSITIVITY TO LIFE

These are some of the symptoms i feel after every masturabation session (ive just become self aware of these aspects for the first time and noticed that it has to do with the masturbation).

A fifth reason why i have stopped masturbation is: PSYCHIC ATTACKS

One thing I have noticed after masturbation or heavy sexual fantasy nights is....its always accompanied with a shadow entity or a negative sleep paralysis.....and when i wake up the day after i feel drained of energy and dissociated.....as if something has stolen my life force....I feel apathy and feeling of meaninglessness. I feel bored, apathetic, restless, hopeless...

These symptoms are ofcourse not MAJOR in my life; they are only side effects that I have noticed with masturbation. And its getting to a point in my life where its getting unbearable.

To summarize: Masturbation makes you less able to enjoy the small things of life....and make you less able to be present in body, mind and spirit.....it makes it more difficult to be in contact with your heart......it makes you less able to connect with feminine energies.....It makes you less able to fall in love with a physical girl......The list is endless.

A SEVENTH reason why i have stopped masturbation is:

IMPOTENCE when having physical sex with a girl.

I remember a few years ago, when i had sex with my last girlfriend. When I had sex with her, i noticed something strange happening (i couldnt work in bed). I just wasnt turned on by my girlfriend anymore.....

It made me less able to enjoy physical sex....because sex to me was always a MIND thing...Imagination thing....but to have sex physcally (that just didnt work for me)....

AS soon as i get in bed with the girl, i get turned OFF emediately.....because sex for me has always been a mental thing...

So excessive porn watching and masturbation make you less able to have a positive sexual experience with your partnes (it kills the sexual relationship with your partner).

So ladies and gentlemen...there are some of the side effects.....hope it helps....

 I decided to do my dream journal on a blog entry rather then Forum...
If this works out the way I think it does that it let's you add on more then I will stick with this..
Also my AP expierence will be in here as well that's if I become aware any time soon.
So that being started let's begin.
P.S This is to help me improve on my lucidity as well.


Dream 1: 
Today was a dream about me being a Asian sumarai.
We lived in side a futuristic Asian house we shared this with another family.
This house had a lot of white in it not much furniture and alot of glass in my  dream. The balcony itself connected the floor to each other apartment but the apartment was a house inside..Well big as one on the inside...
The "house" seemed stories high and it was next a verry verrry beautiful lake and the grass green then I could ever imagine (Irony in that huh?) Anyways.. Everytime I would greet the opposite family son he would give me this mean look. I ask him what the problem was. It was not very communitive response but to my understanding he did not like me as I took a step foward he got up from the floor he was seated on and put his hand on the sword as if he were to strike me if I moved one step foward.
Through this man eye's as he turned around I saw his dad call out to him in anger he was very very upset you could see it. Well anyways after that everything became blury and thats when the dream ended sadly but I will conitnue to share more tomarrow if it lets me add on to it and if not well I'm still glad I was able to share this expierence and wont erase it.
I'll continue it in a the forums.  

  I'm a grateful to share my dreams to those with great interest.
Namaste.  




Dream 2:

I had a dream that I got stabbed in the stomach by gf laying down with her.
She looked mad all I said was I love you.
Then I woke up from my dream  from there I didn't have any dreams.

Hello everyone,

As I'm sure most of you know, there have been bombings going on in the Boston area. This doesn't exclude all the atrocities that go on in the world everyday, but I live in Boston..so this is becoming a bigger reality for me right now.

While I do think that this is something bigger than the bombers themselves; I will not go into that right now.

I am asking for all of you to please meditate and envision the world in peace, and with light around it. Please bring forth the light that we all have inside ourselves in order to cancel out this negativity and fear. 

I myself have been a bit shaken up by this, and I am very empathetic so I'm getting all kinds of emotions which are swaying me either way.

However, I felt the need to express this to this community, and I appreciate it.

If anyone has any insights or something they would like to add to this. Feel free to.

Also, please spread this around.

Thank you.

Hello, I was in a bad place and smoking pot a year ago around Easter when a spirit attachment broke through me and I felt a huge tear in my aura. I had no idea what happened but I started hearing it 24/7, got in trouble at work because I scared my students, and then kept telling me it was going to kill me. It started speaking for me and moving my body. It make me drive 125 mph on freeway and I crashed my car!  I also broke my glasses and moved twice in one month. I can't see without my glasses and we could not afford to move twice so I ended up losing a tv, high school yearbooks and tons of pics and valuable documents.

I have been to more than three shaman/mediums and it refuses to leave which makes me believe it is feeding off of me but I don't know where or how. Yes, I was a very angry person and have unresolved stuff with family, but I don't deserve this.

Anybody have some suggestions?

Thanks, Nancy

After i had a kundalini experence, in which It raised to my heart chakra. All week I was thinking now what...what do I do now? how can I move up the scale to enlightment...So I was riding my bike home, and At the same time I was sun gazing like I usually do, that I had to start Back at zero point, and that there was a consequence to all knowledeged recieved no matter what it is. I knew then what I had to do, my questions had been answered, and I started to laugh...

I have noticed a very interesting phenomenon occur in my life. That just before I fall asleep at night, or just before I wake up in the morning, my thought patterns are super creative. Every thought I think at that moment comes with a super clarity that is not present during the day. I get creative answers to every question i focus on. Sometimes I have received answers that have chocked me and changed the way I see life forever. I even think that many of the answers i have received during sleep-wakefulness could change the world, even create paradigm shifts in our collective way of thinking. If only I could put those thoughts into words (and as im not good with words, its frustrating that noone else can see the phenomenal thoughts i have had during that state of consciousness). When I wake up, the thoughts are gone before I ever get the chance to write those thoughts down to rememer. Truly, this phenomenon has showed me that all the answers to our life is within us. I think that if we could just stop distracing ourselves from all the bibles, qurans and idiotic books, and all scientific CRAP that is out there,and listen within, we could find so many answers to questions we have.

I got an idea in the morning. What if we can take advantage of this sleep stage to find new and creative solutions to our lifes. Maybe we can have a dictafone and record every thought we have. Or something else.

What u think about this?

When I was an active member at a non-denominational church, I remember when i was new to it all and my passion for it was through the roof. My first time learning that God is everywhere kept blowing my mind because i at first could not comprehend this truth. Also to see many people praying at the same time and knowing that there are countless churches all over the world, How can anyone hear and answer these prayers at the same time? At first it made no sense to me but later I learned and realized that God has to be an entity or energy. Now that clearly made sense.....And then on my journey for truth I also learned that everything is energy and so are we. I will always keep searching for truth and continue to find it, the thing is Absolute truth is what I seek but Relative truth stands in the way from time to time. I believe (which is my truth) that Jesus understood truth,understands truth,and is truth, However His message has been twisted for centries and IM affraid the Bible has been tampered with through these times.  I Pray and Meditate for Absolute truth. The answers are within. We are ALL ONE. A peice of a Great ONE....OneLove.           

side note; pls understand this is my experience and my thoughts and I wanted to share.

Ive been Living outside the box for 2yrs now and its great to think freely.

Ive been Following ABB for 2 yrs now but never became a member till recently.(sorry ABB) pls Forgive me.lol. Love your work and community. Peace be with you Always, and to Us ALL as well.

Many of our troubles and problems stem from either the lack of the right kind direction/information or too much negative or bias information. You guys know that I am all about speaking on both the pros and cons. Some have even written and ask that I not talk about the not so pleasant side of the nature of reality because it will only frighten people more but since this is not my intent, I still share what I have experienced and learned and of course, there will be much more to share as we incrementally move into a completely different paradigm... Having stated this, I wanted to repost a comment that I had shared within one of the forums because the message behind it is even more relevant now than ever!

It is not wise to insult the character or path of another nor is it honorable or correct. I recognize that some of our experiences and perception of things are not very pleasant and yes, there are others who have and will endure the same experience and walk as you but this is not true for everyone... I've already done videos and blogs about very clever interdimensional Beings and lower level astral parasites, who currently know more than we know (we have amnesia here on earth) and yes, they feed off of and manipulate humanity to generate energies for their survival and amusement... Hence, negativity = destructiveness, terrorist filled and divisive thoughts, actions, deeds, beliefs, etc... Many of us become direct pawns in 'their' game (or toys as a family member would say) because we are agreeing to this, to one extent or another (be it in this life time or another)... Some of us got trapped in the last cosmic shift and cycle, trying to awaken and rescue others.... Then, there are those of us who are here under a prison sentence or there are those of us who made contracts and agreements with these entities in exchange for something within their power or grasp. Either way, everyone is NOT on earth to be toys or pawns to the 'big boys' unless we agree to it, be it consciously or unconsciously... Yet and still, we are all being challenged to learn and grow in lieu of it all... Some of our greatest gains come from pain and conflict but so does some of our failures but we should always remember to just GET UP and keep pushing on, no matter what! I share this point of view now because I don't want any of us to perpetrate or feed into this powerlessness, hopeless or victimization mindset! This is another trap that's being set up by the MANipulators both in or off the earthly realms and rest assured that they have their have minions and pawns who will knowingly and unknowingly help them to set the bait!

I truly understand now more than ever, why my life has been so extremely difficult and even brutal at times! I was being prepared to speak on and magnify information that will get a lot of resistance and to do this job, will require years of preparation! It took a lot of pain, struggle, confusion and out of this world revelations to get me here! As I continue to RE-MEM-ber the greater game, I am finding more and more that humanities best defense against repeating the errors of our ways is to learn and grow from them and when we are wiser, we are far less likely to be made for fools, "food" or slaves... Lastly, I will say that even though my mind's eye and physical form has seen and been through a lot, I will still say to everyone 'take whatever resonates and leave the rest behind" -- because I have learned enough to understand that at the end of the day, NO ONE on earth currently KNOWS everything!

The article below was sent to me today by one of my gay cousins. I am not gay but reading that article made me think about how far I have come from being a very homophobic person myself. I am starting to really see that people who are gay are not these evil abominations who are here to molest and pervert me or somebody elses kid. I won't lie and say that I really believed this way when I was younger because it was put in my head by other ignorant homophobics or religious fanatics but as I opened my mind and grew, I began to see that homophobia is another ploy to divide, control and promote fear and violence with. I allowed myself to be more opened to the gays and found them to be some of the most loyalest, coolest, smart and friendliest people ever! So yeah, I agree that homophobia must end and I have started ending it with me!

___________________________________________________________________________________

If you look up "homophobia" in the dictionary, it will probably tell you that it is the fear of homosexuals.

While many would take issue with that definition, it is nevertheless true that in many ways, it really is a fear of homosexuality or at least homosexuals, as we will see in this essay.

Homophobia is widespread in America, far more widespread than most heterosexuals realize, and it is far more subtle, too. The discrimination it inspires touches the lives of many Americans, not just gay Americans, but all Americans. And America pays a very dear price for it as we shall see.

The Effects of Homophobia On American Society

In 1994, during the campaign of Oliver North for the U.S. Senate, there were several of his supporters seen carrying signs along a Virginia freeway that read, "Homophobia Doesn`t Kill." By announcing that belief, they were exposing their ignorance to the world, because homophobia does kill, and it kills with surprising frequency.

There are the obvious murders inspired by hatred. In the U.S., they number in the dozens every year. Abroad, the numbers run to the hundreds to thousands, no one knows the precise number for sure, as in many countries, the deaths of homosexuals are not considered worth recording as a separate category.

But there are other ways in which homophobia kills. There are countless suicides every year by gay men and lesbians, particularly youth, which mental health professionals tell us1 are not the direct result of the victim`s homosexuality, but is actually the result of how the homosexual is treated by society. When one lives with rejection day after day, and society discounts one`s value constantly, it is difficult to maintain perspective and realize that the problem is others` perceptions, not one`s own, which is why suicide is several times as common among gay men as it is among straight men.

Perhaps the highest price is paid by youth. The young person just emerging into adulthood who has begun to realize that he is different, and the difference is not approved of, finds acceptance of self particularly difficult. This is especially true when others perceive the young person as different, and persecute him as a result, with little effort made by authority figures to stop the torment. This is why gay youth commit suicide at a rate of about seven times that of straight youth. Yet it is surprising how often homophobes actually try to prevent intervention by teachers in the schools!

The Reasons Homophobes Give For Their Hatred

It`s not natural. Well, that`s probably the weakest argument of all, since biologists frequently see homosexual behavior in other animal species, and in livestock ranching, homosexual behavior is so common it is considered a problem. Homosexual behaviors have been noted in every primate species so far studied, and in man`s closest living relatives, the bonobo chimpanzees, bisexual behavior is universal.

Among humans, homosexuality is found in all cultures and with about the same frequency it is found in America. Cultural norms seem to have little influence on the incidence of homosexual behavior. So the claim that it isn`t natural becomes rather difficult to support.

It`s a perversion. This is really a variation of the "it`s not natural" argument, and so there`s no need to reiterate what has been said in the above paragraphs, other than to say that it is the `natural` argument with a religious overtone. And being essentially a religious argument, it has little place in a society that believes in the separation of the powers of church and state.

It`s against God`s law. Well, of course this is a purely religious argument, and it presumes that the homosexual is or should be bound by the religious principles that are propounded here by the religionist.

The fact of the matter is that since this society and its government were founded on the notion of the separation of church and state, to encode in a secular law an idea that has purely religious purposes, is a clear violation of the principle of the separation of church and state. Until the religionist can come up with a sound reason why society benefits by the outlawing of homosexual activity, then there is no moral basis for such a law if one accepts the principle of religious freedom as encoded in the doctrine of the separation of church and state.

It`s disgusting. Has the person who says that ever watched sausage being made?

There are many things that go on in society that we would consider disgusting, but we don`t outlaw them just because of that. In fact, many of these activities are quite essential to the functioning of a modern society, but we simply turn our minds to other matters and don`t concern ourselves with them.

Heterosexuals need to remember that they themselves are `disgusting` to many homosexuals; it will come as quite a surprise for them to discover that the feeling is mutual. Yet it would be ludicrous for the gay person to suggest that heterosexuality ought to be persecuted; why shouldn`t it work just as well the other way around? Isn`t respect and tolerance a two way street?

The Real Reasons Behind Their Hatred

Us versus them: It is the subconscious belief that if someone else is granted rights, those rights come at one`s own expense. For example, one of the oft-quoted reasons why some oppose gay marriage is that it will somehow threaten the heterosexual institution of marriage. Just how that would happen is never explained, but those who agree with the notion don`t have to explain; to them it seems a reasonable proposition, because they feel the threat, even if they can`t put their finger on why.

Obviously, this reason is an emotional reaction rather than a reasoned argument. Yet the fact that it is simply an emotional reaction is not relevant to the bigot; he believes that since he believes it, it must be true. And that is good enough. No evidence is neccessary.

Loss of control: It has been my experience that the more conservative an individual he is, the more concerned he is about being able to control his environment.

Someone who lives life in a manner quite different that oneself represents a threat to that individual. The threat is a threat to the ego in the sense that one`s own choices may prove not to be optimal; it is also a subconscious threat to one`s security in the sense that the other may prove to be more successful.

Again, the threat here is an emotional one, not a real, tangible threat. And again, there`s no real-world evidence to support it. But emotion is what drives the bigot.

The reason for the emotion is actually a primal instinct. When one examines the dominance-submission behaviors in other species, they often have sexual overtones, especially in other primate species. If a dominant male wants the food or mate posessed by a subordinate, he`ll often bite the subordinate, causing him to yelp in pain and drop the food or the female, and then present his rump.

It is the presentation of the rump that is key here. It`s saying to the dominant male and the rest of the troupe that the subordinant male is submissive and that the dominant male can have his way with him, regardless of the extent that may take. It`s essentially a submission to rape, should the dominant male desire to do so.

It is that instinctual fear of rape that drives much of homophobia. Straight men often instinctually see gay men as a threat, and they instictively fear that threat. It`s a fear of a loss of control, of dominance, of status.

The threat is very real - in some rare, isolated circumstances. This instinctive means of asserting dominance is the source of prison rape. It`s why men, who on the inside of prisons rape other men with brutal frequency become promiscuous heterosexuals on the outside. Such men almost never have sex with other men as a means of emotional sharing, it`s rather a violent act, intended to control, assert dominance and force other men intoa subordinate position.

Well, straight men, you can relax. The vast majority of us gay men don`t want our way with you. We have sex for the same reason that most of you do - as a part of the expression of love, caring, concern and commitment. Since we`re not likely to get it from you, you`re not attractive to us and you have nothing to fear from us.

The small minority (and it`s a very small minority) of gay men who actually do enjoy seducing straight men invariably do so with understanding and respect for the straight man`s concerns and fears. Such encounters are conducted in an atmosphere of equality of the shared emotional experience, and a recognition and respect for the straight man`s need for parity and discretion.

Threat to one`s world-view: When someone has held to the same ideas and has staunchly advocated them all of his life, someone else who says he`s wrong can be rather threatening.

The notion that "that old time religion is good enough for me" is one that is a lot more than just an old song, it represents a fundamental attitude towards one`s roots that make it difficult to accept that one has been wrong all of one`s life.

If a gay person comes along and says, "hey, look at me, I`m a productive, contributing member of society with values and ideals that make me little different than you," that person is a threat to someone who has believed all his life what he may have been told since he was young; that gay people are somehow perverted, miserable, lonely people who live short, desperate lives. Yet to the amazement of many, as the AIDS epidemic has forced thousands of gay people out of the closet, these gay people have proved not to be the stereotypes people had believed; but rather ordinary folks like themselves.

Another unsupported emotional reaction, not a real threat. Again, not worthy of consideration as a real reason for being the basis of public policy. Fear of rape: This is probably the most emotional and irrational of all of thehomophobe`s fears, but is probably the most universal. It is the origin of the old saw about `covering your butt` and numerous other similar admonitions.

Yet the fact is that there are very, very few gay men who would prefer to have sex with heterosexual men, particularly those who would not be willing to cooperate. Why go to the trouble? Only a narcissist would believe that forced sex with himself would be preferable to cooperative and appreciated sex with someone else. Yet it is amazing to me how many heterosexual men actually, subconsciously, at least, feel this way. Maybe this says something about the universality of narcissism!

This is obviously an emotional reaction. Again, there are very few incidents of homosexual rape of heterosexuals, and the chances of becoming a victim are far less than being struck by lightening. But that doesn`t assuage the fear.

Fear that one may actually be homosexual himself: Homosexuality is, by even the most conservative estimates, far more common than the number of open homosexuals would imply. And with the realization that bisexuality is actually fairly common, particularly among women, there is a genuine fear among the more conservative that they, themselves, may be homosexual, particularly if they have had a homosexual experience in their past which they actually enjoyed. And since surveys indicate that approximately 64% of adult males in the United States have, there are lots of candidates out there for that fear. Compounding this can be religion-based guilt, often promoted by televangelists who have made a career of promoting homophobia.

The fear leads to a subconscious reaction: hate and/or kill the queer and you`re not like him, because you`ve distanced yourself from him. Irrational, isn`t it? Yet that`s the subconscious logic involved.

One robin does not a summer make and one homosexual experience does not a queer make. It`s really that simple. For me, being gay means that I prefer relationships with men.